On this day, August 9th, 2025, I wrote in my journal app:

Worried about my mom because she’s not seeing a doctor about her cyst but just the healing touch lady.

When a tragedy or catastrophe happens, people say they remember exactly where they were and what they were doing that day.

I remember starting my day like normal. I went downstairs to get something to eat then get on the computer to either start writing or log onto WoW. My dad met me in the hallway and told me an energy healer was coming to the house to see Mom. Mom overheard and got mad at him because she didn’t want me to know. But my dad said how wouldn’t I know when the person was coming to our house.

I sat down at my computer while they were arguing, then Mom came to talk to me. She sat on the yellow reclining chair behind my computer and told me she had a cyst in her breast. She said she got it when she fell in the garden a year or two ago. I said she should get it checked out and see a doctor because I had three cysts removed by a surgeon on my chest and back within the last year.

But Mom said she was afraid the doctor would want her to have surgery, and she didn’t think her body could handle it. She was afraid to take medications because they all had side effects. She took medications for anxiety and depression when she was going through menopause, and she didn’t like them.

Mom started crying and asked me not to tell my brother, our relatives, and her friends. I started crying too. She seemed helpless and afraid. And her only ask from me was not to tell anyone.

When I think about this day, I remember Mom as she was. Strong, willful, determined. It was my last full conversation with Mom.

I wish it didn’t have to be like this. Because now I carry this complicated memory with love and anger, and in my mind the walls are rattling. And Mom is sitting there, her mind made up, while everything around her falls apart.

*I would like to add for the record that she said what she said in perfect f*king English too.